Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
