How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
