Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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