We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
