im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
