I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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