If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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