I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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