Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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