Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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