mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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