Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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