are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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