I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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