I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
