How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
