i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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