Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
