If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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