hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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