Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
