If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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