i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
