I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
