dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
