Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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