then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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