new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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