I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
