I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
