doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
