what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
