If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
