Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
