I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
