I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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