Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
