i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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