He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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