cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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