It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
