Ketchup is God's man juice
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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