Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
