I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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