Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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