I hate your face
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
