No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
