Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
