Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
