Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
