i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
