So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
