Kiss
Puke
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
