she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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