Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
