Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
