im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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