Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
