That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
