how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize