How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
