make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
