I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
