So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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