DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
