i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
