Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
