but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
