i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
