I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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