shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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